I Have So Much to Gain
by pandorabox82
Summary: Erin Strauss would never have revealed her hand to anyone in the BAU before rehab. But a chance encounter with Emily on the elevator on her return to work sees her doing just that. Can both woman move past their demons to something better? CCOAC #17
1. Chapter 1

"What's your resolution, Erin?" her counselor asked as in the background a clock ticked down to midnight.

"To never have to come back here again," she muttered, unwilling to give the woman her real answer. She wanted to tell someone, anyone, her secret, the reason for her problem. But not here, not in this situation. Not when she was being condescended to.

"A real resolution, Erin," the woman gently pried and Erin fought not to roll her eyes in exasperation.

"Fine, I resolve to be nicer to those around me." She nodded to the counselor and stood, suddenly not wanting to see the New Year come. It would only bring heartache, anyway.

_~Two week later~_

Erin stepped into the elevator and smoothed her skirt. She was nervous about returning to her job, to her life, without the familiar fallback of alcohol. She was going to make sobriety work this time. She didn't need to drink to get through her day. She didn't need alcohol to cover the pain of her secret.

"Hold the elevator!" A shiver passed through Erin's body as she recognized Agent Prentiss's voice. She pressed the open button against her better judgment and waited for the woman to get on. An awkward silence fell over the car and she looked at the floor, hoping someone else would get on before they reached the sixth floor. "So, did you have a good vacation?"

That must have been the cover story Aaron had used and she shook her head slightly. "I've had better, Agent Prentiss. And you, did you have a good holiday season?"

"I did, thank you." Erin thought the fledgling conversation finished and she relaxed a little. "Where were you, really? Hotch isn't as good a liar as he thinks he is."

Erin glanced at the other woman out of the corner of her eye. "I had to be away. There was something I had to do."

"I see." They fell silent once more and finally, the door opened up on their floor. "Have a good day, Ma'am."

"You as well, Agent Prentiss." She drifted to her office, unsure of the looks she received from her colleagues, certain that they had been able to divine the truth just as Agent Prentiss had. Her assistant was sitting behind her desk, typing away. "Good morning, Amy."

"Good morning, Chief Strauss. It's good to see you back. Agent Hotchner's been keeping up on your paperwork during your vacation, so there's nothing pressing for your attention. I looked after your bonsai tree, and it seems to be thriving, thank God. You have about forty emails to read through. I took care of all the mundane ones, sending the most urgent on to Agent Hotchner as instructed. Oh, I am so glad you're back. Agent Hotchner just makes me feel like I can't do anything right."

Erin nodded absently and stepped into her office, taking a seat behind her desk. Looking around, she saw a small bouquet of flowers on the desk and pulled out the card _Welcome back, Erin_ was all it said, and she wondered who had sent it to her. Pulling the vase closer to her with a small smile on her face, she breathed in the strong scent of lilies.

The day marched on and she tried to keep her focus as she read and responded to emails, compiled reports, and did other busy work tasks. Her heart just wasn't in it this day, and it should have been. This was her return to normality.

At five, she sighed and pulled her reading glasses off, setting them on top of the current file she was going over. It was time to head home to the empty apartment, to the memories, to the bitter knowledge that neither Colin nor her children wanted to be around the failure she had become. "I'll see you tomorrow, Amy," she said softly as she turned off the lights in her office.

"Have a good evening, Ma'am." She smiled up at her warmly before returning to her work.

Erin briskly walked over to the elevator bank and waited for the next car down. She heard a faint tapping next to her and looked to her left, only to see Agent Prentiss there. She suppressed a groan and took a deep breath. "We meet again, Agent Prentiss."

"So we do. Did your first day back go well?"

The question surprised her. "It went smoothly. I take it there's no case to go to today." The other woman shook her head. "It's nice to be home."

"For you, maybe. You have someone to interact with. It will be just me and Sergio tonight, and a cat is not the greatest conversationalist." Erin wondered why the woman was telling her this, they'd never gotten along, even if she did have her grudging respect.

"A cat, huh? I haven't had a pet in years." Agent Prentiss smiled gently and Erin found herself smiling back. "Karl was allergic to dander, so that meant Snowball had to go to a new home." She hadn't thought about her beloved Persian cat in years, and it brought a strange lump to her throat.

The doors opened and they stepped inside, joining a few other people already there. "Do you want to grab a drink before heading home?"

Erin stiffened, picking up on the subtle undercurrent of probing in the woman's words. "Let's quit playing games then, Agent Prentiss." Her voice was sharp, brittle, and she saw the other woman flinch at the tone. "So, Agent Hotchner told everyone. I should have expected that. After all, why should I be deserving of privacy."

She turned away to stare at the wall, furiously blinking her eyes in an attempt to hold back the tears. She wouldn't let them see her cry. The warm hand on her upper arm caused her to flinch in return, but still, she touched her, letting the hand linger. "It wasn't Hotch who told me. And I shouldn't have taunted you. I'm sorry."

Erin could only nod, knowing if she tried to speak, it would only end with her crying. Mercifully, the elevator doors opened and she followed the others out into the parking garage. Unlocking her car, she slipped inside and buried her face in her hands, letting the tears come. One thing she'd never expected was to hurt so much.

Someone knocked on her window and she looked over to see Agent Prentiss standing there, concern on her face. Turning the key in the ignition to accessory, she rolled the window down. "What?"

"Did they teach you a way to quiet the demons in your head?"

The question was honest and she sighed deeply. "They tried." Her voice trembled and she bit her lip, looking away from Agent Prentiss. "The things I've seen, the things I've done, they don't lend themselves well to therapy."

"Who'd have thought we'd be two peas in a pod." She dared to look up at the other woman once more and noticed the tired, haunted, look the other woman wore. "Look, I just need someone to talk to, someone who knows me, but not well enough to judge me, like they would. If your family doesn't need you at home right away, would you mind listening?"

Erin wanted to say no, but something about the younger woman called to her. "That would be fine. Where did you want to go?"

"My apartment?" In the question, Erin could hear her need for a comfort zone. She nodded reluctantly, and a ghost of a smile flickered across Emily's face. "I guess, just follow me, then." Erin nodded once more and started up her car. Emily jogged across the parking garage to her car and pulled out, waiting for her.

On the drive to her apartment, Erin became more and more nervous. She really had no idea why she was doing this. It was rash, foolish, and had the potential to blow up in her face. As she parked next to Agent Prentiss, she took a deep breath and then got out. "You have a lovely view here."

"Sometimes it pays to have connections. Mother couldn't bear to give up the apartment during my time away, thank God." They made their way inside and got on a smaller elevator. In the silence, she could hear their breaths, in sync, harsh.

The elevator opened on the eighth floor and she stepped out, feeling a whisper of fingers on her back, guiding her to the left. Erin wrapped her arms around her waist as she watched Emily unlock her door and then punch in the security code. She made a beeline for the sofa, setting her coat next to her on the seat to keep Emily at arm's length.

"Would you like anything to drink? Tea, coffee?"

She looked over her shoulder at the other woman and nodded. "Tea would be nice, Lady Grey if you have it."

"I think I just have oolong or rosehip. Is there one of those you'd prefer?"

"Rosehip, then." Behind her, she heard Emily fill a kettle and root around in her cupboards. A few minutes later, the kettle shrilly whistled and she listened to the water pouring into mugs. Emily brought in a small tray with their mugs, a bowl of sugar, two spoons, and a small plate, setting it on the coffee table.

"Do you take cream? I forgot to ask earlier." She shook her head. "Any sugar?"

"No, I prefer my tea black." She took the mug from Emily's hands and sipped at the hot beverage. "What did you want to talk about?"

"Did the alcohol ever drown out the voices? Did it ever fully chase them away?"

Erin raised an eyebrow. "You don't hold back. No, it didn't. For a time, it seemed as if they were held at bay. And then, once the effect had worn off, they came back." She took another sip. "For a time, it made me a fun mother. Then it just made me a bitch." She fell silent, looking into her mug as she swirled the liquid around.

"Sometimes, I think I see Doyle on the street, watching me. I know he's dead, but his spirit still haunts me. I thought alcohol would take that away, and it never has. If anything, it makes the visions worse. My therapist says that's normal for some people."

"Quit then, while you can. Before everyone you love and care for is driven away by your weakness." The words slipped out before she could stop them, and she bowed her head, willing the tears to go away.

"They left you?" Erin heard the rustle of her coat being moved and then Emily's hand was on her shoulder, rubbing gently. She bobbed her head slightly, feeling as if a weight was being lifted off her shoulders. The first tear slipped down her cheek and she flicked it away with her thumb. "Where are they?"

"At home."

"Oh." The statement was low and full of understanding, and it broke Erin's heart. An unwanted sob tore itself loose from her chest and she set the mug on the table so she could curl up in a ball in her corner of the sofa. "Ma'am…Erin, where do you go?"

"I found an apartment close to the office. Nothing so luxurious as this, of course. But it serves my needs. I can pretend that the noise of the people above me is my children." The tears wouldn't stop falling and then she felt Emily's long, elegant, fingers wipe her cheeks free of them.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to open a can of worms. I didn't know." Erin shrugged. "Oh god, I wish Morgan hadn't said a word to us about your situation. I didn't mean to hurt you." Her hand was soft against her cheek and Erin found herself turning her face into the touch. It had been so long since she'd felt a sympathetic touch.

"Did Morgan say why he told you about my problem?"

"He was blowing off steam. He and Hotch have been having problems in regard to my resurrection. Why didn't you fight back?"

Erin smiled a little at the defensive tone the younger woman took and sighed. "I needed help, Agent Prentiss. Aaron's intervention was a blessing in disguise."

"I see, I guess. And please, call me Emily." Their eyes met and Erin saw something akin to understanding there. "So, I was planning on having supper alone once you left. Would you like to join me, instead?"

"I'd like that, Emily." Having told the woman her secret, she felt a sort of bond with her, strange though that seemed.

"Wonderful. You can help me cook, too, then." Shaking her head slightly she stood and joined Emily as she went into the kitchen. Erin went to open the fridge when Emily touched her shoulder. "I can get anything we need from there."

"Why, afraid I'll see the beer there and not be able to control myself?" she asked wryly, seeing the other woman blush a little. "Don't worry. I can control myself around others. And if you want to have one with the meal, it won't bother me."

Emily nodded and removed her hand, looking sheepishly at her. "Sorry. I guess I just want you to feel comfortable. Do you see anything that looks good to you?"

Erin scanned the shelves and shook her head, finding herself without much of an appetite. "I'm not really all that hungry. Do you have any fruit?"

"When was the last time you had a good meal, Erin? You look like you're wasting away."

She sighed as she shut the door, not looking at Emily. One thing she never got used to was how well profilers could see others. "Alcohol makes you gain weight. Once you stop drinking, the weight just goes away." It was at best a half truth, something she told herself to keep focus off the fact that she'd lost the sensation of hunger when she lost her family.

"They should never have sent you to rehab." Her head snapped up at Emily's terse statement, her eyes widening in shock. "It broke you. Seriously? You're just going to give up on life?"

"No," she whispered, breaking eye contact as she shook her head.

"Then wake up!" A spark of anger flared up in her breast at the tone Emily was taking with her. "I may have wanted you to be nicer to us, to be honest, but I don't want to see you broken like this." Emily touched her shoulder once more and the anger faded away. "I want you to be you."

"Why do you even care?" She tried to ask it as neutrally as possible, but could still hear the bitterness in her voice.

"I don't know." The answer was quick and direct and Erin sighed as she nodded. "And now, you get two choices – ice cream or soup." Emily's eyes pierced her and she bit her lip.

"Do you have chicken noodle?"

Emily's face relaxed into a smile. "Yeah, I do. We'll split a can and then have the ice cream for dessert."

"I thought it was either or?"

"Only if you chose the ice cream. Or did I forget to mention that?"

Erin found it very easy to smile at the mischievous glint in Emily's eyes. "You might have. Where do you keep the soup?"

"Bottom shelf of the cupboard right next to the fridge." She opened it and pulled out the top can, handing it to Emily. "If you want to get out bowls and spoons, go for it." Erin began to look through the other cupboards until she found the bowls and took four out, knowing they'd need the others later. Pulling out the drawers, she finally found the spoons and also took out four, along with the ice cream scoop.

"I'm going to grab my mug. Do you want yours?" Emily nodded. "And would you boil some more water? I'd like some more tea, please." Not stopping to see her response, Erin walked over to the coffee table and picked up both mugs, setting them on the table.

They were quiet during the meal, Erin not finding any words to say. When they'd finished, she stood and put their bowls in the sink and turned the water on to rinse them out. "Hey, I can do that later."

"Might as well get them in the dishwasher now," she replied as she swiped them with a dishcloth before opening the appliance and sticking them inside. With that task finished, she turned to face Emily, who handed her the now dirty ice cream scoop. "Thanks."

"You were the one who wanted to put everything in its place. How very typical of you." Emily tempered her words with a smile that Erin couldn't help but return. She followed the other woman back over to the sofa and then took the bowl from her hands. "I don't know how much longer I can keep up with the therapist. It's not making any difference. I'm too haunted."

"You've seen a lot in your life, Emily. But don't give up on the therapy. It might help in time, you just have to wait. And that can be the hardest thing to do." She took a bite of the sweet confection, mulling over her next words. "Have you read anything by C. S. Lewis?"

"Just the Narnia books when I was I young. But then, just about everyone read them. Why?"

"He has a wonderful book on suffering called _The Problem of Pain_. David sent me a copy while I was still in the center, and I found it helped me more than the counselor I was assigned there. I haven't taken it all to heart yet, obviously." She continued to eat the ice cream, focusing on the sweetness of it. For some reason, tears pricked at her eyes once more and she blinked rapidly, trying to get rid of them.

"Crying sucks, doesn't it?"

"Yeah." This time, she welcomed Emily's hand, cold though it was, on her forearm. Their conversation flowed naturally from that point on until Erin found herself yawning tiredly. Looking at her watch, she saw it was after one in the morning. "I hadn't realized how late it's gotten." Another yawn spilled from her lips and Emily nodded, yawning herself.

"You look exhausted. Why don't you stay the night? I don't want you driving home and then falling asleep behind the wheel." Erin nodded, knowing the other woman was right. "There's a second bedroom upstairs. Follow me." The stood and Erin trailed behind her as they climbed the stairs. "My room is right across the hall. I usually leave about eight, but if you need to leave earlier, go ahead. You won't wake me."

Erin found herself nodding once again and she slipped behind the door, taking her shoes off and stripping down to her bra and panties. She went to the bed and crawled in, her body sinking into the soft mattress. As her head hit the pillow, her eyes fluttered closed and she fell asleep quickly.

Her sleep was shattered a few hours later by a short, sharp, scream. Sitting up, she acclimated herself to the strange room and then stumbled out of bed, wrapping a blanket around her body as she rushed out the door and across the hall. Emily was thrashing around in the bed, obviously trapped in a nightmare. "Emily, wake up," she whispered as she touched the other woman's shoulder.

"Ian, stop!" she screamed, lashing out and catching Erin's shoulder, knocking her back a little. Gasping in shock and pain, Erin tried once more to wake the other woman, letting her hand close around Emily's shoulder, shaking gently. Emily's eyes flew open and she burst into tears, wrapping her arms around Erin's waist as she sat up.

"Shh, Emily, you're okay. He's dead and can't hurt you any longer." Emily nodded against her chest, and Erin rubbed her back softly, trying to calm her down. Emily nestled closer to her, almost seeming to try and disappear into Erin, or so it seemed. As her restless movements ceased, Erin pulled back a little to look into Emily's eyes.

"Erin…" Her name sounded so strangely beautiful coming from the other woman, and then Emily's lips were covering hers softly. She didn't fight the kiss, but she didn't encourage it, either. Emily deepened the kiss a little and then broke off, breathing heavily. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that. I just needed to anchor myself to the present."

"I understand. It's okay. Are you feeling better now?" Emily nodded slightly and Erin tried to stand, only to feel the arms still around her waist tighten. "Emily?" she asked when it was clear the other woman would not let go.

"Stay?" Erin felt her brow furrow, not sure of what Emily wanted. "I haven't felt another body next to mine in months. I just need to feel your warmth bleeding into me. Stay, please."

Erin watched the play of emotions cross Emily's face and finally nodded. "I have so much to lose," she said softly.

"And we have so much to gain." Emily scooted over in the bed and Erin slipped beneath the covers she held up, only to feel Emily's arm come to rest around her waist. "Solace can be found in the most unlikely of places." Her breath fanned out against Erin's neck and she shivered slightly, covering Emily's hand with her own.

"Solace can be most welcome, Emily." They fell silent once more and Erin turned to face Emily, needing to look at her as she fell back asleep. Throughout her life, she'd been unable to fall asleep without watching the other person in bed with her. Emily's hand cupped her face and their eyes fluttered closed in tandem. Erin felt strangely at peace being in Emily's embrace as she drifted back to sleep, and a smiled tugged at her lips as she let the darkness claim her.


	2. Chapter 2

It had gotten quite late when Erin finally turned off her lamp on her desk. Sighing a little, she picked up her purse and briefcase, walking briskly down the hall. Most everyone had left for the evening, but as she passed by the bullpen there was still one light burning brightly, haloing the bent head of Emily Prentiss.

Erin stopped and sighed again. Since their night together, she'd not been able to go an hour without thinking of their kiss. It was odd, she didn't desire the woman per se, but she felt a fierce kinship with her. As she continued to watch, Emily bowed her head over her paperwork, swiping at her cheeks harshly.

Taking a deep breath, she pushed open the doors to the bullpen and stepped inside. She tried to make her heels clack, so as not to startle Emily by the time she got to her side. "Emily, is everything okay?"

The woman looked up at her, her eyes sparkling with tears. "It's been a shit day, Erin. I'm falling apart. Do you have time to talk tonight?"

"Of course, Emily." She sank down to sit on the edge of Emily's desk, looking at her closely. "Your place or mine?"

"Yours is closer, isn't it?" She nodded. "I guess that's our answer then." Emily stood and grabbed her go bag, a pensive look on her face. Erin nodded at her encouragingly and held out her hand somewhat hesitantly. Emily clasped it lightly and they went out to the elevators. It was a short wait and they soon had an elevator car all to themselves.

"Have you had anything for supper?" Erin asked as they rode down.

"No. But I'm not really hungry right now." Unconsciously, they stepped closer together, their shoulders touching. "How have you been? I wanted to call, or write, but I had no idea what to say. I couldn't stop thinking of you, though."

"I got a cat. I went to the pound after I left you that morning and picked out the cat that had been there the longest. She's a beautiful creature, but blind. You'll have to watch out for her, she still gets underfoot at times."

"Does she have a name?"

"Serephina. It means fiery."

"Like you," Emily murmured, and Erin stole a glance at her from the corner of her eye. A soft smile had spread across her face and Erin felt her own lips twitch up in response. She tilted her hip just so, bumping it against Emily's. A soft giggle escaped Erin's lips before she could stop it and she felt her heart lift when Emily bumped back. "Thank you."

"You're welcome." The elevator came to a stop and they stepped out. Emily didn't let go of her hand, instead leading her over to a black Mercedes. "Emily, my car is over there…"

"And I might lose you in traffic." Erin just shook her head and got in the car, knowing there'd be no use arguing with her, not in her current state. "That is, if you don't mind, Erin."

She smiled a little wider and buckled her belt. "This will be fine, Emily." The car started and Erin gave her directions to the apartment. Once Emily had parked, she turned to her. "Welcome to my home."

"This is perfect," she whispered as they got out. Shouldering her go bag, Emily came around and took her hand once more. "I love it."

"It's just an apartment, Emily," she responded, looking at the building.

"No, it's perfect. Cozy, warm, inviting. Safe." Emily squeezed her hand tightly and suddenly, Erin had a new insight into the woman. "Can, can we go in now?"

"Sure." Erin led her to the stoop, unlocking the door. "The bedrooms are on the second floor. You can put your bag in the one on the left. I'm going to make some tea. Are you sure you don't want anything?"

"Tea would be fine, Erin." Emily went upstairs and Erin turned to go in the kitchen. Putting the kettle on, she opened the cupboard and pulled out her loose leaf jasmine tea. Filling her infuser, she set it in the teapot and waited for the water to boil. Behind her, she felt Emily's presence moments before she cleared her throat.

"Why do you have two bedrooms?"

"Just in case my children ever want to visit. Hope springs eternal, you know." Taking a deep breath, she turned to face Emily. "It's starting to hurt, though. They haven't responded to my overtures yet."

"Oh." Erin felt her eyes smart with tears and she turned back to pour the water into the teapot. "Erin, that sucks. I know my mom and I don't get along, but I could never hurt her like this. I'm sorry." Emily's hand was warm on her back and she leaned into the gentle touch, needing the contact of someone who cared.

"I don't know why you're sorry, Emily. It was my actions that led to this result. I am the monster."

Emily's hand tightened around her shoulder, turning her. "Erin," she whispered, staring into her eyes. "You are not a monster. Ian Doyle was a monster I conquered. Alcohol is a monster you conquered."

"Then why does it still have the power to destroy me?" A few tears slipped down her cheeks and Emily wiped them away tenderly. "Why can't I find my footing once more?"

"If you find that answer before me, will you share?" Erin slowly nodded and Emily leaned forward, kissing her softly. "I've been thinking of doing that since that next morning."

She had to take the tension out of the air, so she turned back to the teapot, picking it up. "Tea's ready. Would you grab two mugs out of the cupboard next to the sink?"

"Of course, Erin." As she moved past her, Emily brushed her body against Erin's. It was deliberate, and Erin tried not to shiver in response. It seemed as if the woman wanted something more from her, something she wanted to give, but didn't know how. "Do you want any one in particular?"

"You," she murmured under her breath, turning to look at Emily. "The light blue one is fine." Emily nodded and pulled it down along with a light purple one.

"I never took you for pastels. I always pictured you favoring bold colors." She held them out and Erin filled them before setting the teapot back on the stove.

"I like the softness of pastels," she said as she took the mug from Emily's hands. "Let's head into the den, where we can talk." Emily nodded and followed her into the other room. Erin sat on the sofa, slipping her shoes off so she could curl one leg up beneath her. Emily sat uncomfortably close to her, copying her actions. "What did you want to talk about?"

"I don't know how much longer I can do this, Erin. I'm off my game and nothing I do is helping. Everyone thinks I'm fine, even Rossi and I talk to him the most. But inside, I'm screaming so loud and they don't even notice. But you did." She looked down into her mug, smiling wistfully.

"Do you want out?" Emily nodded slightly. "You wanted this job so badly, Em."

"I know. And I think that's what hurts the most. I still want it, but I can't have it." She sipped at the tea, tears rolling down her cheeks. Setting the mug on the coffee table, she bent her head to her chest. "Doyle's finally taken everything I love from me. I didn't want to let him win, not this way, but there's no way out."

Erin set aside her own mug and touched Emily's shoulder lightly. The woman leaned into the touch, resting her head on her chest. "If you actually talked to a therapist, do you think it would change anything?" Emily shook her head. "Why?"

"He marked me as his," she whispered, pulling away from Erin.

"I don't follow, Emily."

"Let me show you." Emily's fingers fumbled with the buttons on her shirt, shrugging it off her shoulders. "Doyle left me with an indelible reminder that I would always be his. Feel." Emily took hold of her hand, bringing it up to her breast. "He put his personal brand there, where any lover would notice. And ask questions. And revile me."

Erin delicately traced the outline of the shamrock on Emily's breast, trying to ignore the way the woman's skin felt beneath her fingers. "No one could revile you, Emily. You're too lovely," she whispered, trying to stop her hand from closing around that firm, heavy, globe. "Myself, on the other hand, I'm…"

"Gentle and safe. Hidden away beneath walls of defense so no one can hurt you. Afraid to be who you are, since kindness never got you anywhere, even though you tried. And now you're trying to figure out who you are without a husband, without alcohol, without the crutches you've come to rely on." Emily covered her hand, pressing it firmly against her flesh. "I feel safe with you."

"You shouldn't. I was awful, manipulative, cruel, when you first started."

"And yet you helped me come home. That matters more than anything." Emily's eyes fluttered closed and she leaned forward to kiss Erin once more. Erin didn't shy away from this kiss, needing the comfort she offered. It was Emily who broke the kiss, breathing heavily. "Erin…"

"You're not the only one marked," she said lowly, looking away from Emily as she pulled off her blouse. Taking hold of the other woman's hand, she brought it to the scar underneath her left breast. "It was the only time we were ever violent with each other."

"What happened?" she asked as she ran her thumb along the ridge of raised flesh.

"We had gotten into an argument and I gave him a black eye. The oven door was still open and hot from supper cooking, and he pushed me onto it. He was instantly contrite, took me to an urgent care clinic and made sure I was okay. We never spoke of it again. He also never touched me there again."

"Erin…"

"It made sex awkward, but I made it work because I loved him and I thought he loved me. We were happy once. I was happy once." Erin covered Emily's hand, copying her earlier movement.

"We can be happy again, somehow." Emily stood and held out her hand to Erin. "I told you that we have so much to gain. Maybe we can find out what that is together."

"I'm not sure I can do this, Emily. I don't know if I'm ready." Emily's face fell a little and Erin looked away, her eyes tearing up. "I'm sorry to disappoint you. I'm sorry if I led you on." The tears began to fall in earnest and she curled up into a ball, burying her face in her legs.

She felt Emily sit down next to her once more and she shied away from her touch, knowing she'd destroyed a relationship she couldn't afford to lost at the moment. "You didn't disappoint me, Erin, or lead me on. I just have to remember that being aggressive in a personal relationship doesn't always work. Sometimes, patience is a virtue. I just wanted something to fill this hollow place inside me."

Emily wrapped an arm around her shoulders and she finally leaned against her, welcoming the warmth of skin on skin. "I want to fill the hollow place inside me, too. I just don't want to mess anything up, since I'm awfully good at that." She nuzzled her face into Emily's hair, breathing in the citrusy scent of her shampoo. "I want a friend and I want to feel. Is that even possible?"

"Of course it is, Erin." Emily cupped her face and brought it up so that Erin would look her in the eye. "I'm going to kiss you again." Erin nodded and closed her eyes, waiting for the kiss. It was soft and lovely and she sighed when they broke apart.

"That was nice," she whispered, a smile on her lips. Erin gasped slightly when Emily lowered her head and kissed her scar. "Oh, Emily." She collapsed into the woman's open arms, letting her stroke her hair as she struggled to control her emotions. Without thinking, she lifted her face, looking for the shamrock brand on Emily's chest before leaning in to kiss it gently.

"Erin." Her name sounded like a prayer coming from Emily's lips and she looked up into her warm brown eyes. "Thank you." She nodded slightly, somehow knowing Emily was going to kiss her once more. Sure enough, seconds later she felt soft lips cover hers, kissing her gently.

Emily's fingers fumbled with her bra clasp and she broke the kiss to look at the woman. "Emmy?" She felt close to crying for some unknown reason. Erin bit her lip, pulling away slightly. "I'm unsure here. I don't like not knowing. I just want another kiss tonight and then to go to sleep. I like kissing." She smiled slightly and Emily smiled back, kissing her once more.

Together, they stood and Erin held her hand out to Emily. Instead of letting go at the top of the stairs, she brought Emily into her room. Shutting the door, she made her way over to her dresser and took out a silky nightgown. "Erin?"

"I'm going to the bathroom to change. Will you be here when I get back?" Emily nodded and she smiled happily. Turning on her heel, she rushed into the master bath, her heart pounding. This was so foolish, and yet Emily's words ran through her head. Maybe they did have so much to gain. Maybe she could take a risk. Maybe she wasn't crazy. Unzipping her skirt, she let it fall to the floor, followed soon by her bra and pantyhose. Erin slipped on the nightie, nervously smoothing it across her hips. It was now or never, she thought as she looked at herself in the mirror.

She opened the door and stepped out to see Emily sitting primly on her bed. She was wearing a think tank top and boxers, and Erin found her heart strangely falling into her stomach at the sight. "Hello again," Emily drawled.

"H-hello." Suddenly, her nightgown seemed much too short and she tugged at it absently. "Sorry to keep you waiting."

"I just got here myself. What side of the bed do you normally take?"

"The left."

"Good, I'm usually on the right." Emily got up and went to the other side of the bed, pulling back the covers and climbing in. "Are you going to join me?"

"Y-yes." Erin slipped beneath the covers, tugging down her nightie once more. She turned to face Emily, looking into her eyes. "I had a girlfriend throughout my undergrad work. I thought we loved each other enough to make it work. But two weeks after we graduated, she told me that she'd been seeing someone else for over a year, someone who was less clingy and not such a prude. By the time I met Leroy, I'd divested myself of being clingy. Prudishness has stuck with me, though, I'm afraid."

"She was stupid," Emily whispered, reaching up to caress her face. "So was Leroy." Emily leaned in and kissed her gently. Erin returned this kiss, needing the comfort she offered. "When I got home from Italy, I wanted nothing to do with boys. Matthew's parents had forbidden me from contacting him, and I was hurting so badly in my heart. Abby and I only spent a semester dating, but it was enough time to heal my soul. My sexuality has been fluid ever since."

"I see." Erin brought her arm to rest around Emily's waist, slipping her fingers beneath the fabric of the tank top to rub her back absently. "What was sex with Doyle like?" She had no idea why she asked the question, but it made her feel like a teenage girl gossiping with her best friend.

Emily smiled gently and reached up to tweak her nose. "And you even sound curious about that. Hotch and Rossi looked at me like I was a whore for sleeping with him."

"You have to do certain things when you're in deep cover."

"Derek knew that." Emily rubbed her thumb along her cheek. "He hated that I faked my death, but he understood why I had to sleep with Doyle. I've had better lovers, truth be told. Not much foreplay and it was over quick. I prefer my lovers to take their time, just like I like to take my time with them."

Erin shivered as Emily's hand slid down to cup her heavy breast, absently thumbing her nipple to attention. "Slow is good, Emmy," she said a bit breathlessly. She let her own hand skim up under the shirt to feel the heavy weight of Emily's breast in her palm. The woman arched into the touch, hissing in pleasure. And then Erin ruined the intimate moment by yawning widely. "Sorry."

Emily laughed lowly, leaning in to kiss her sweetly. "It's all right. Besides, we weren't going to do anything tonight, right?" Erin nodded and snuggled close to Emily, feeling safe and content with her near. "Go to sleep now, luv." She felt her eyes close heavily, only for them to fly open once more at Emily's small gasp.

"It's Serephina. She's used to sleeping with me, at least at the beginning of the night." Emily nodded and the cat curled up between them, resting her head on Erin's chest. "Good night, Emmy."

"Good night, Erin." As her eyes closed once more, she felt Emily kiss her cheek gently, and she smiled as she went to sleep.

"Ian, stop! Leave her alone!" Erin woke up to Emily's voice, the frightened screams scaring her.

"Emmy, wake up," she said as she shook her shoulder. "Please, honey."

Emily's eyes flew open and she wrapped her arms around Erin's waist, embracing her tightly. "You're okay."

"Of course I am, I haven't left your side since we fell asleep. Tell me about your nightmare."

"It was different tonight. He had us in the warehouse and he was forcing me to watch one of his henchmen brand you, hurt you. It felt so real, so horribly real. But you're here and safe." Emily lifted her face and kissed her soundly. "You're safe," she sighed out, nuzzling her face in to Erin's hair.

"I am safe, and you're safe. Ian's deep and dead, cold in the grave. You, my Emmy, are alive and strong and oh so warm in my arms." She felt Emily's hands tug at her nightie, rucking it up her body. "Emmy?"

"I want to feel your skin on mine as I fall back asleep. I don't want to do anything other than plaster my body against yours and know you're here, you're safe, and you're mine." Erin nodded and took over for Emily, pulling off the nightie while the other woman tugged off her tank top. Letting the clothing fall to the floor, Erin and Emily slid back down in the bed. Emily's arms were instantly around her, pulling her flush against her warm body.

"I'm yours?"

She felt Emily blush against her cheek. "Sorry. I just…" Erin cut her words off with a possessive kiss.

"We'll discuss this later," she said softly, before kissing Emily once more. Then she nuzzled her face into Emily's shoulder, letting her eyes close as she fell back asleep.


	3. Chapter 3

Alpha had just gotten back from Oklahoma, home from another successful case, and yet Erin didn't feel good about it. There had been something off about the resolution, but she couldn't put her finger on it. Shaking her head, she turned off her desk lamp and ten looked up at her doorway to see Emily there. "Hello."

"Hey. I, I bought a house today. Care to celebrate with me? I know, no alcohol, but we could go dancing?"

Erin felt herself smile. "In these clothes?"

"Well, we're about the same size, now. We could go back to my place and get all dolled up before heading out." Emily smiled at her beguilingly and Erin found herself nodding. "Great! Do you remember the way to my place?"

"Yes, Emmy. Are we going to head home soon?"

"I thought we could go now. More time to spend together and all that." Emily came up to her side and knelt, leaning forward to kiss Erin's cheek. "And I want to spend time with you. Our schedules have been so hectic lately."

"But I've enjoyed our phone calls. And our emails." Erin turned her head and kissed Emily sweetly. "I've missed you."

"Let's go, before this leads to something that might get us into trouble." Emily pecked at her lips again and then helped her to stand.

"Not for much longer, remember? You're leaving us soon." She threaded her arm through Emily's and they walked out to the elevators.

"Erin? Emily?" She gasped, suddenly remembering it was only six, and that a number of their colleagues would still be in the building. Turning, she faced the bemused David Rossi. "Is this your girlfriend, Emily?"

Erin felt herself flush, longing for the elevator to open. "Yes." Emily's calm answer soothed her and she felt herself relax. "Don't look so surprised, Dave. I told you I'd fallen for a blonde." The doors opened and all three stepped on.

"How long have you been together?" he asked once the doors had closed.

"Since January," was Emily's quick reply and Erin smiled, moving closer to her.

"You've kept this under our noses for five months? Well done, ladies, at being so circumspect."

"We have to be, David. You know I'm still on thin ice here," Erin said, feeling Emily place her hand on her upper arm. "Please, keep this as quiet as you can."

"Of course I will, Erin. You've come so far in your recovery that I would never do anything to jeopardize that." He reached out and tugged at a piece of her hair. "Though this does give me license to tease you once Emily is officially gone."

Erin shook her head and stepped closer to her Emily. "Then may God have mercy on Alpha team."

Dave chuckled lowly. "So, are you going to be bringing her as your date to Jen's wedding?"

"I might, seeing as how I'll be free to do so. Who do you think will be the most scandalized?" The teasing tone in Emily's voice caused her to smile as she gazed at Dave.

"I'd say either Hotch or Morgan," he replied with a chuckle. The doors opened up on the parking garage and they all stepped out. "See you on Monday, Emily, Erin," he called out as he turned the opposite way as them.

Erin began to feel nervous once she was sitting next to Emily in the car. "So, why did you buy a house?" she asked, staring down at her lap.

"I don't know. It seemed like a good investment at the time. And I wanted us to have something we could decorate together. I told you, I'm aggressive in my relationships and this is what I want."

"That might be nice, Emmy. Perhaps tomorrow you could take me over there and show me around?"

"What a great idea!" Erin smiled at the enthusiasm in her lover's voice. "There's a gorgeous sun room that I thought might be perfect for a home office. You don't really have that sort of space at your apartment. And I can paint in there, while I'm with you."

"You paint?" Erin found herself strangely pleased by the notion that her lover had an artistic streak.

"I do. Mostly landscapes, but I think I might want to try my hand at portraits. Especially since it looks like I'll have a beautiful muse coming home to me every night."

She just shook her head, then took stock of her surroundings. "How did I? I was supposed to follow you home."

"Oh shit, that's right. Sorry, Erin. We could go back…"

"No, I'll survive." Erin settled back in her seat and watched the scenery pass by. The blur soothed her, lulling her into a false sense of security as she imagined herself dancing with Emily. Then, as the car pulled into a parking spot, she sat up, realizing what she was going to do to herself.

"What is it, Erin?" Emily asked, touching her shoulder.

"I haven't tested myself like this, Emmy. What if I slip up? I'd have to hit the reset button, and there goes six months' progress." She could feel a very real panic attack settle over her and she tried to take a deep breath. She couldn't get enough air and she doubled over, sucking in breaths.

Then she felt Emily's hands pulling her out of the car, wrapping her up in a tight embrace "Sweetheart, I'll be right by your side. I won't let you slip, I promise. And you're strong enough to face a test like this." Lifting her head, she looked up into Emily's dark eyes. "I'm going to kiss you now." Erin nodded and watched Emily's lips descend to cover hers. Giving herself over to the very public kiss, she felt her body relax, sinking into her Emmy.

"Let's head in," she said as they broke their embrace. Emily nodded and led her inside, refusing to let go of her hand. "I'm sorry I'm so fragile, Emmy."

"You're not fragile, Erin. You are rightfully scared of putting yourself in a situation where you could slip up." They entered the apartment and Emily dragged her up to her bedroom. "I want to see those legs of yours on the dance floor. Would you prefer to wear a skirt and halter top or a dress?" she asked as she threw open her closet doors.

"A dress, I suppose," Erin replied as she stepped out of her sensible heels, knowing Emily would expect her to wear something a little taller, something that made her ass stand out.

"Here, wear this." Emily thrust a sparkly sapphire dress at her and she quickly stripped, letting her clothes pile up on the floor. "A garter belt?"

"I was feeling sexy today."

"It shows. Oh god, that is going to drive me crazy all night." Erin just smirked, until she got the dress on and found it ended mid-thigh. "I don't think I'm going to be able to keep my hands off you all night."

Erin nodded as she sat on the bed, watching Emily change into a pair of skintight jeans and a low-cut top. "Well, I know where my hands are going to be, too. Shoes?"

"Oh yeah, here." She bent and pulled out a pair of silver stilettos. "I so hope those are your size."

As Erin slipped her feet into the shoes, she found they fit like a dream. Standing, she wobbled a little, the heels being a little taller than she normally wore. Emily moved over to her bathroom and brought out a tube of lipstick. "What's this?"

"Red lipstain. I want you to wear this color for me." Erin took the tube and pulled her compact out of her purse, watching her hands apply the bright color. Pulling it back, she saw the color made her eyes stand out, deepening the blue of her irises. Emily followed suit and then held her hand out. "Leave your purse here, I'm just going to take my card and ID."

"Okay." Erin pulled her phone out and handed it to Emily. "Put this in your pocket, please?"

"Sure." Once that was done, Emily clasped her hand and they went back down to the car once more. As Emily drove, she kept glancing over at Erin's lap and finally she looked down to see her skirt riding up her thighs, showing off the tops of her hose. She tried not to blush or adjust the skirt, knowing Emily liked looking at her.

By the time they got to the club, Erin found herself hot and bothered. She knew that tonight would be the night and she found herself strangely looking forward to it. Emily used her winning smile to get them in the door and she pulled her out into the middle of the dance floor. A pounding beat filled her chest and she found herself trying to keep up with her lover as she writhed and gyrated to the song. And then, her hands were on her hips, drawing her back so that their bodies fitted together.

Erin ground her ass into Emily and she was rewarded with a sharp pinch on her hip as Emily growled in her ear. "Do not tempt me, Erin. I could take you to the bathroom and ravish you here this very moment."

She felt a freeing giggle well up out of her and turned to face her Emmy. "While a public ravishing wouldn't be my cup of tea, I think that tonight would be rather perfect to take things to the next level."

Emily grinned and leaned forward, kissing her sweetly. "Those are words that I've longed to hear." She pulled her close, letting her hands come to rest on her ass, squeezing in time to the beat. Erin found herself relishing the touches, despite everyone looking at them, watching them. "There are so many things I want to do to you, with you, Erin. I want to bury my fingers deep inside that sweet little box of yours, suckle on your breasts, tease you until you cum, screaming my name."

Erin felt her knees buckle a little at the deliciously hot words Emily whispered in her ear. "If you keep up those words, I'm going to have an orgasm right here. Words have always turned me on."

"Do you trust me?"

"Of course, Emily."

"Then lean on me and let yourself go. No one will notice as long as you're quiet." She nodded and tightened her arms around Emily's waist. "You're breathing is so harsh and ragged, and your cheeks are flushed. How far down will that go?"

"Down to my breasts. Oh god, my nipples are so hard and tight," she murmured, burying her face in Emily's shoulder.

"Let me guess, your breasts are really sensitive?" She nodded. "Excellent. I love that. But I'll probably begin by kissing your scar, running my tongue along that raised ridge and feeling your skin jump beneath my lips. Then I'll massage them softly, running my thumbs over those stiff peaks as you moan for me. Only when you dig your hand in my hair and drag my lips to one of those sweet buds would I take it between my lips and suckle strongly."

Erin bit her lip, feeling her core muscles clench tightly at her sexy words. "I'm close, Emmy," she said shortly.

"While I'm suckling you, I'll run my fingers down your body until I get to your mound. Slipping my fingers between your folds, I'll rub your clit with my thumb until I feel you're close…"

Those were the words that sent her over the edge and she bit down on her Emmy's shoulder as she rode out the orgasm. "That was amazing, Emmy," she panted as they moved over to an open table. A waitress came by and Emily ordered them two sodas. "I can't wait to experience that for real."

"We could always head home now." She grinned at Emily as she shook her head. "Why not?"

"I have the dancing bug now." She accepted the soda from the woman's hand and sipped at it carefully.

"Does it taste okay?"

Erin looked up at her and nodded. "I just wanted to make sure, you know? I don't want to mess up six months progress." Emily reached out and grabbed her hand, squeezing gently. Once their drinks were finished, Erin dragged her lover back onto the dance floor, losing herself to the beat as she held onto Emily.

Finally, though, she began to feel randy once more and she smiled as she leaned in tokiss Emily once more. "Is it time to head out, Erin?" she asked as she slid a hand down to her thigh, rubbing the skin just above her stocking.

"Yes," she whispered, squeezing Emily's ass softly. The other woman laughed lowly and began to tug her towards the door. As soon as they were at the car, Emily pushed her back against the door and kissed her passionately once more. "Oh, I don't ever think I'll get enough of your lips, Emmy," she said once they'd broken the kiss.

"Good, because I don't think I'll ever get enough of yours." She gave her another quick peck before stepping away from her to go to the other side. Getting in, Erin buckled her belt and deliberately rucked her skirt up so that most of her legs were showing. "You're a tease, Erin Strauss."

She just smiled a little, drawing patterns on her thighs as she listened to Emily's breathing speed up as she drove quickly home. Getting out of the car, she walked up to the stoop, waiting. Emily came up behind her and unlocked the door. They tumbled inside and Erin laughed as she felt Emily grab her ass. "Home?"

"Yes, please." Taking hold of her hand, Emily tugged her to the elevator. While they waited for the car, Emily caressed her breast, running her thumb over the nipple. "Erin, you feel so good beneath my touch. I cannot wait to touch and taste you."

"I feel the same way." The doors opened and they stepped inside. The door closed and she turned to Emily, slipping her hand beneath the halter top, feeling Emily's silky skin. "I've missed this, Emmy, missed you and the feel of your skin. This afternoon, you intimated that I'd be coming home to you every day after work. Is that really what you want?"

"Yes, Erin." She kissed her lips in a lazy, gently, fashion, and Erin smiled. "Or whenever you feel comfortable. If we're going to be dating, I want to spend time with you. I want to be with you."

"My Emmy," she murmured, reaching up to stroke her cheek. "I want to spend time with you, too. I've gotten used to being on my own, though, so it might not be an every night occurrence just yet. But I promise it will be more than just sex. I want to get to know you better, to know what makes you happy, to know what makes you frightened."

Emily wrapped her up in an warm embrace and Erin melted into her. "As long as I'm not your once a month booty call, I'll be happy."

"I'm not Derek Morgan, Emmy." They broke apart and she saw Emily grinning at her.

"No, you are not. You are so much sweeter, and my sweet tooth is longing for you."

Erin burst into giggles. "Did that sound as bad in your head as it did to my ears?"

"Yes." Emily giggled with her and they linked arms, waiting for the doors to open. Finally, it stopped on their floor and they went down the hall. "That's it, right upstairs to the bedroom."

"Yes, Ma'am." She winked cheekily at Emily and made her way up the stairs, letting her hips swing. She had barely stepped out of the heels when Emily was on her, kissing her hungrily as she tugged down her zipper. Erin felt the cool air of the bedroom on her skin as the dress and her bra dropped to the floor. "How were you going to start again?" she asked provocatively.

"By kissing your scar. But I need to get undressed first." Emily untied her halter top, letting it pool around her waist as she unzipped her pants, pushing them to the floor along with her panties. Then she tugged off the shirt and stood before Erin naked.

"You're so lovely." Erin ran her fingers over the stretch marks of three children and wondered if this was really happening.

"And you are gorgeous." Emily hooked her fingers in the elastic of her panties and tugged them down her legs. "So fucking gorgeous." She kissed her mound before moving her lips up her stomach, running the over her stretch marks. "And you're mine." She sucked and licked at the scar as she massaged her heavy breasts gently.

"Emmy, please," she whimpered, burying her fingers in the woman's hair, tugging her up to her nipple. She needed almost no encouragement, suckling her nipple strongly as she maneuvered them over towards the bed. They fell back together and Emily wrapped her in a strong embrace. "More," she panted, opening her legs to grant her lover access.

As Emily gently bit down on the nipple, she suckled, she also carefully slipped a finger inside Erin's tight, hot, channel. Erin clamped down on the slender digit, trying to draw her in deeper. Then Emily was adding another finger, scissoring them inside her. The pleasure was blinding and she felt the orgasm sweep over her as she dug her fingers into Emily's scalp. "You're so tight," Emily said as she pulled her fingers from Erin's body, bringing them to her lips. "And you taste delicious."

Erin struggled to catch her breath as she looked up at Emily. "My turn?"

"Certainly." Erin nodded and flipped her lover onto her back. Like Emmy, she began with her scars. Tenderly, she kissed the jagged scar on her stomach, mapping it out with tongue and lips. Then she dragged her lips up to the shamrock brand, kissing it sweetly. "I love the feel of your lips," she said breathlessly, stroking her hair gently.

Erin nodded and nuzzled her face between Emily's breasts before licking at the stiffened peak. The low moan encouraged her, and she began to suckle her, alternating the rhythm she used as Emily caught her thigh between her legs, grinding her mound there. The slickness prodded Erin to keep going.

Placing butterfly kisses down Emily's body, she prepared herself to go down on Emily. Carefully, she teased open her lover's lower lips and began to lick and suck on her clit. By the way Emily's thighs tightened around her head, she knew she was doing something right, and she dragged her tongue down to her opening. The strong, musky, taste overwhelmed her and she lapped it up hungrily, loving how Emily pressed her closer by digging a hand in her hair. It had been so long since she'd felt a woman's orgasm exploding around her and she rode the wave until it had regressed.

None too gently, Emily tugged her up to kiss her lips, and Erin moaned into her mouth. "You're amazing, Emmy."

"So are you." She snuggled into Erin, pulling up a sheet around their bodies. "So soft and giving. My Erin."

"My Emmy." She kissed the other woman once more, possessively. "My Emmy." Her arms tightened around Emily's waist and she drew closer to her, letting herself relax into sleep.


	4. Chapter 4

Erin held up the lilac colored dress to her body. "Are you sure this will be okay, Emmy?"

"Perfect, Erin. It's a summer garden wedding, after all." Emily pulled out a pair of heels from their closet and put them on. "Now, hurry up. We're going to be late if you keep dawdling."

She nodded and pulled on the dress, letting Emily run the zipper up her back. "You're shaking."

"I'm nervous. This will be our official coming out to the team." Emily placed a soft kiss on her shoulder before she spun around to face her. "I don't know why I'm so nervous. I've known them for five years."

"The fear of rejection makes us all nervous. But if we have David's support, that's half the battle won. Now kiss me properly before I put my lipstick on." Emily nodded and gave her a soft kiss that lingered on. Erin found that she loved that kiss of hers the most. It was giving and warm, and Erin couldn't help but lean into it, wanting more.

"When we get home, I want to take my time with you. We haven't been together all week."

Erin nodded sympathetically as she picked up her wrap and clutch. "I've been working late every night, and didn't want to wake you when I finally dragged my body home."

"I love that body of yours, and wouldn't have minded getting woken up." Emily took hold of her hand and they went downstairs together and out to Emily's car. "Can we just end this farce of two separate homes? Please?"

Erin fell silent, mulling over Emily's words. Yes, she did want to make things more permanent, but she was still scared. "I, I do want to move in with you, Emmy. It's just, I'm apprehensive."

Her lover looked over at her. "You don't think I'm just as scared? I haven't lived with anyone since Doyle. But I want to take this step with you."

Those quiet words, ringing with truth, wormed into her heart, and she nodded slowly. "And I'll have my own office space, so that I can bring my work home and not worry about you judging me for doing so. Right?"

"Right. I would never expect you to not be who you are. And your work makes you insanely happy, even though I would be driven mad by the bureaucracy of it all."

Erin shrugged her shoulders a little. "It's really just like a psychology study. I mean, once you figure out how a person ticks, you can finagle things to work your way. And I love it when things go my way. I was really proud of myself, though."

"Really? Why?" Emily asked as she turned onto David's street.

"I was at a function for the other section chiefs, and while they were serving white wine to us all, I wasn't tempted in the slightest. I'm not going to say that I have a complete handle on this demon, but with your support, I feel like I'm getting better every day. Thank you."

There was a faint blush that stained Emily's cheeks, and then she was looking at her, tears sparkling in her eyes. "Dammit, Erin, why did you have to say something so sweet before we even get to the wedding? I knew I was going to cry during the ceremony, and now you go and do this?"

There was no real malice in her voice, so Erin smiled and leaned over to caress Emily's cheek. "The one thing that I've taken away from my meetings is that I have to be a little more open and honest with the people that I love. If I don't say the things that are in my heart, they wither and die and turn into something completely twisted. I'm sorry if I made you cry, but I just needed you to know that."

She watched Emily nod and Erin settled back in her seat to watch the scenery. "Shit. Did you remember the gift?" Emily blurted out as she pulled into the drive.

"Yes, I put it in the backseat the minute that it was wrapped, so that we wouldn't forget it." Laughing a little, she slipped out of the car and opened the back door, pulling out the package and then holding her hand out to her lover. The nerves that had made her stomach flutter the entire day seemed to disappear the moment Emily's hand slid home, and she tightened her grip as they made their way up the walk.

Derek answered the door, taking both package and Emily away from Erin, and she smiled as she watched her go. "I don't know why I didn't see it before, Erin," David whispered in her ear as he took hold of her elbow and guided her into the backyard. It looked like a fairy tale come to life and she sighed with pleasure as he led her to the refreshment table. "But you and Emily are perfect together. Would you like a glass of champagne?"

"I can't, David."

"Yeah, kiddo, you can. I made certain to buy nonalcoholic for you." She closed her eyes tightly in an effort not to cry as she took the glass from his hands. "And here comes Emily, shooting daggers at me. Tell her that everything is okay."

"I will, David." She opened her eyes and looked into Emily's dark brown orbs. "He's not leading me down the primrose path, darling. This is thoroughly okay for me to drink." She raised the flute to her lips and sipped at it, relishing the bubbly taste of the sparkling drink.

"I trust you, Erin. Dave, not so much." Emily winked at him before slipping her arm around Erin's waist. "Are we standing for the entire ceremony?"

"It'll be short, I promise, and then we'll move on to supper. It won't be so bad."

"I'm holding you to that," Emily replied as she poured her own glass of champagne before wrapping her arm around Erin's waist and leading her over to where Penelope was standing. The woman was darting her head all about, as if she was looking for someone, and Erin wondered what was going on in her head. "Hey, PG. Why do you look like you're jumpier than a cat on a hot tin roof?"

"Oh, ha-ha, Emily. You know that I still haven't really resolved things between Kevin and myself, and he brought Gina here with him. Fucking Gina! I didn't even think to bring a date. Oh, hello, Ma'am, it looks like you're having a better evening than I am at the moment. That dress looks stunning on you."

Penelope flashed her a wide grin, and Erin smiled back, bringing the glass to her lips and taking a small sip. "I'm really glad that David decided to do a dry wedding tonight. I don't think you need any help in that department."

"Oh, you'd think it was dry, but no. Just the champagne, for you. We all know where the good stuff is, and I have been indulging, since it's his dime." Penelope squeaked a little before looking at Emily. "I'm sorry, Em, but I have to do this."

Erin frowned a little, wondering what the woman meant, only to be caught off guard when Penelope kissed her deeply. Her eyes widened as the kiss lingered, and she looked to her lover for help. Only, Emily's eyes were smiling as she tried to stifle her giggle behind her hand. "Penelope!" she exclaimed after she had wrenched her lips free from the embrace. "Whatever are you doing?"

"Kevin was right behind you, with his date draped all over him. I just wanted to make him jealous!" she cried out, and Erin shook her head. "What?"

"You're cut off for the rest of the evening. Emily, either you or I are going to be by her side until it's time to go home, okay?" Emily nodded and she leaned over Penelope's shoulder to kiss her lover softly.

"Penelope has really soft lips, though, doesn't she, Erin?" Erin arched her eyebrow as she stared at Emily. "Didn't you ever play Truth or Dare at your slumber parties?"

"It has been a long time since I had a slumber party, Emily," she replied as she clasped Penelope's hand, maneuvering herself between the two women once more.

"We can change that," she whispered wickedly in her ear. "If you wouldn't mind being up for a few…bawdy dares."

Erin bit her lip as she shook her head a little. "I rather like keeping you to myself, Emmy. I don't want to think about someone else kissing me or you. At least, not while we're in this stage of our relationship." Her eyes welled up with tears, and Emily drew in a sharp breath as she shook her head as well.

"No, don't cry because of me, Erin." Emily rested her forehead against hers, taking a deep breath. "I'm used to being free and easy with my body, since no one could lay claim on my heart. You have my heart, and so I thought you'd be okay with being free and easy, too. I'm sorry."

"There's nothing to be sorry for, Emily," she whispered before kissing her once more. "I'm just more of a traditionalist than I thought. I adore you, though, my precious heart." It was the closest she could come to saying the words that were locked up in her mind, and she hoped that Emily understood the full weight behind them. Slowly, she nodded, and Erin relaxed a little, letting her head come to rest on the woman's shoulder.

Everyone came to attention as the first strains of music let them know that JJ had arrived. The blonde looked radiant in her gown, love and excitement shining from her eyes, making her countenance sparkle. Erin found her mind drifting away from the words that the minister was saying as she focused on how Emily was making her feel. This relationship of theirs was rapidly shifting into something domestic, something mundane, and she knew that wasn't Emily at all. And yet, a tiny part of her hoped that it would become the new her.

She didn't realize that she was crying until she felt Emily wipe away the tears on her cheek. Raising her head, she saw the quizzical look that her lover wore, and she shrugged a little. Emily frowned before claiming her lips in a quick kiss, her eyes never leaving Erin's. "Do we need to talk?"

"Maybe, darling," she whispered in return, giving her a small, tremulous, smile.

"All right." They turned their focus back to the ceremony, but the moment it was over, Emily dragged her to a secluded spot in the yard, ignoring the plates that were being laid out on the table for all the guests. "What is going on in that brain of yours?"

"I don't want to domesticate you, Emmy. I want you to be fierce and free and wild," Erin managed to get out before she started to cry. She closed her eyes, not wanting to see the moment that the light went out of Emily's eyes.

"Erin Strauss, I love you. And…" Emily's next words became a blur as Erin focused on that one simple, beautiful, phrase. She lifted her fingers to Emily's lips, stilling the speech that was bubbling out and opened her eyes to see Emily giving her the angriest look of love she had ever seen on anyone's face.

"You love me?"

"Yeah. I wouldn't have asked you to live with me if I didn't. Do you love me?"

"Yes." The anger melted from her gaze and then Emily was capturing her lips in a hungry kiss. "Oh, Emmy, I'm sorry, I keep messing things up between us. I just want you to be happy. I don't want to do anything that would upset you."

"Then stay by my side until the end of time. All right?" Erin nodded and slipped her hand into Emily's, letting her lover lead her over to the tables. JJ looked over in their direction, giving Erin a shy smile, which she returned. "After JJ and Will dance the first dance, I want to spin you around the floor. I want to claim you as my own."

"I like the sound of that," she replied as she spread her napkin out on her lap. Erin actually found it difficult to keep her mind on her food, as she kept glancing over at Emily, watching her interact with the team, watching the way that she took delicate bites as she focused on everyone. And then her right hand was slipping off the table to poke Erin's thigh. "Yes?" she murmured, leaning over a little.

"I want to hold your hand. I'm finished eating, and there's nothing to do until we dance." Erin blushed as she threaded her fingers together, letting their hands swing a little as she listened to the conversations going on around them. Finally, though, JJ and Will stood and went onto the dance floor, and the others followed after them, standing on the periphery to watch them. Erin felt free enough to lean back against her lover.

"Smile!" She looked up at the photographer and then ducked her head once more, feeling suddenly shy. Emily pulled her tighter against her chest, resting her chin on Erin's shoulder. The woman took a few snapshots of them before Emily gently turned Erin, kissing her sweetly. In the background, she heard the click of the shutter, and hoped that the picture turned out like Emily wanted. "Thank you, ladies!"

"You're welcome," Emily murmured against Erin's lips, and she smiled as she let the kiss deepen. "Are you ready to dance?"

"Is it the next song already?" she asked as she looked up into her lover's eyes.

"Yes." Erin nodded and let Emily lead her out into the middle of the dance floor. It was so easy to wrap her arms around Emily's neck and sway in time with the music. A soft gasp escaped her lips as she felt Emily run her hands down to her ass and pull her closer. "Is this a little too much for you?"

"No, Emmy. I rather like your hands there," she replied before resting her head against her lover's chest, listening to her heart beat. "I think that I like everyone knowing that I'm yours." Puckering her lips, she placed a delicate kiss to the first bit of bare flesh that she found, listening to Emily's breath hitch in her throat.

"If you keep that up, Erin, I'm going to want to head home now, and that wouldn't be polite. The things you do to my heart and body, you make me want to stay by your side for an eternity."

"Emmy, I feel the same way." Erin kissed her once more before sighing deeply. "I love this moment. It's so magical here, with the lanterns and the music and the stars twinkling above us. I wish that we could freeze this moment in time, and keep it with us forever."

"It will always live on in our memories," Emily whispered before pulling her close once more, burying her face in Erin's hair as they continued to sway to the music.


End file.
